Why does this speak to me so much? Well, my brother died two years ago, and I preached his funeral. (one of the hardest things I've ever done). I felt the mourning and loss, but my brother and I had lost a regular daily relationship many years ago. Certainly we loved each other. It is a given with all my brothers. We may not see each other, but it is unspoken. That said, because I barely saw him, I believe I was able to recover more quickly. In addition, my brother had been in a coma for 10 months prior to his passing.
However, when my son died last year, well, needless to say, I'm still feeling the effects. My son was finally in a place where he could be successful and things seemed to be good. His death stung so much more deeply and lasts so much longer.
My brother's death was preceded by 10 months of struggle for life so maybe some of my grief was dealt with there. My son's death was preceded by only one week of brutal swings of emotion as he struggled for life.
Perhaps, the lesson here is not to compare grief. Each is so different. My reaction was different for two different people passing. It doesn't really matter, does it?
My Jesus knows my pain. He knows mourning. I'm glad when I pray that Jesus is my intermediary since he knows my what is on my heart.
Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4