Monday, September 30, 2013

Living with Grief

Having lived with the "unwelcome house guest" of grief for going on 15 months now, I have the following observations:

  • This process is taking longer than I expected.  While I barely weep like I did originally, I seem to have developed a bit of a scar in my heart.  Sometimes I feel disconnected and frustrated with people.  I still feel disconnected from God most of the time, yet I pray anyway because I know that the "Lord is near" me in this grief (even though I don't feel him).  I'd always heard that grief is a one year thing and then I'd be better.  That is "bunk."
  • The Psalms mean more to me.  To tell you the truth, I was more of a Proverbs guy than a Psalms guy prior to all of this.  Now, the Psalms mean so much more to me.  I hope somebody understand this concept other than me.
  • My wife and I grieve differently.  Often I expect that Tammy knows what is happening in my head and that I know what is happening in her head.  This typically causes a communication breakdown.  Talking with Tammy, especially in dealing with our GreifShare class helps us both understand where each other is.  Tammy certainly has a music trigger.  We did our best to sing to Lanny while he was dying.  Eventually the lovely people at the hospital put on some religious music for us.  My triggers seem to be places and things.  Going past the "car lot" or seeing Nilla Wafers in the store get me.
That's my observations for the moment.  I reserve the right to revise and extend my remarks (hey, it works for the congress).

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